I think it’s so interesting how after I’ve had a vivid dream it usually takes a while before I really understand the meaning of it. I mean, there’s always an immediate obvious meaning. But I’ve found that if I let it sit for a bit, not really thinking about it, eventually a deeper meaning will hit me.
That’s what just happened with my dream about The Wolf and The Bear. I really thought I had already understood the meaning of it, but it spoke to me again tonight. As I was walking into the kitchen I had a vision that gave me chills and almost knocked me off my feet. I had to stop and grab onto the counter to steady myself.
The immediate meaning that I felt after waking from the dream was that the responsibility of shamanic healing is being shared by indigenous peoples with those of us who are only now remembering who we are and where we’ve come from. It’s a difficult path with many obstacles, and we are still very much on the outskirts of accepted lifestyles, beliefs, systems (which is why we were running around the base of the mountain.) Many who are running have died and many will die, to become part of the nature we are trying to understand and protect, but they will add their power to ours and will aid us as we continue on their path.
The understanding that hit me so hard tonight was that I have been the wolf for a while already, and it is time to allow the bear to consume me – to BE the bear.
But I am afraid.
The wolf helped me to understand my intuition, to seek the truth with determination, to trust myself. As a spirit animal, it has been very comforting and nurturing, hanging back when I was unsure, and giving me time to process things before moving me on to whatever was next. Never pushy. Never in a rush.
But the bear…..I don’t yet know the bear. It has so much power, so much strength, it’s so mysterious and sure of itself, and it feels so insistent. I fear that if I let it consume me, I will lose myself – the me that I know. And yet, it is there…waiting. There is an urgency that I don’t quite understand.
Intuitively, I know that when I allow myself to be lost in the bear, it will be a good thing. I know that fear is just another obstacle, and is only helpful in pointing out the areas in which I need to grow. I must let go of the fear. I feel that becoming one with the bear is the true beginning of my life. Bear is the voice I heard calling to me throughout all my suffering, guiding me to freedom. It is the medicine, the healing, the healer, the protector, the wise one.
To imagine that I will also be those things carries with it a sense of responsibility that unnerves me. I don’t feel able to fill those roles, to be those things for others. I am afraid of failure, of failing those who would rely on me. But maybe that’s part of the lesson in this – to allow the bear to consume me and to accept the power and responsibility, trusting the bear’s wisdom.
I know that my union with Bear is inevitable. It WILL happen. I’ve already seen it in the dreaming. It will probably happen sooner than I expect, and I will still be me – but I will be more.
I will be Bear.